Reframing Resolutions: Shifting from Self-Criticism to Self-Compassion

The "New Year, New You" mentality has become a hallmark of the new year. While for some, the idea of reinventing themselves can feel empowering, for others, an unspoken pressure to “better” themselves can give rise to feelings of inadequacy and self-judgment. In this post, I invite some reflection on the intentions behind setting New Year’s resolutions, how they impact us, and how we might approach goal-setting from a place of self-compassion rather than self-criticism.

In a culture that celebrates New Year’s resolutions, there may be an unspoken message that we’re somehow incomplete or not enough as we are. We may set goals that, while well-intentioned, are unrealistic or based on external standards that don't align with our values. When we approach personal growth with shame or self-judgment, we disrupt our capacity for sustainable change. Research from Brene Brown suggests that shame traps us in a cycle of unworthiness, making it harder to embrace vulnerability, learn from setbacks, and take the bold actions needed for true personal growth (Brown 2010, 2015).

What if, instead of using self-judgement to fuel change, we approached our growth with self-compassion as the foundation?

Self-compassion, offering ourselves the same kindness and support that we would to a friend (Neff, 2015), fosters a sense of self-worth that remains grounded, regardless of life’s ups and downs; acknowledging that in life, there will be times when we fall short of our goals, when things don’t go as planned, or when we face setbacks that make us question ourselves. When we embrace ourselves as we are, we can weather these human challenges with greater resilience, knowing that our worth is not tied to our successes or failures.

Embracing Self-Compassion: The Key to Lasting Growth and Change

Research shows that self-compassion is a much more powerful and effective agent of change than self-criticism. Studies consistently find that self-compassion can reduce stress, anxiety, and depression, while enhancing motivation and resilience (Neff, 2009). For instance, individuals who practice self-compassion are more likely to take positive action after setbacks and are better able to bounce back from challenges, as they view mistakes as opportunities for growth rather than failures (Breines & Chen, 2012). In contrast, self-criticism can often lead to emotional distress, shame, and a lack of motivation, which can hinder long-term progress. Ultimately, embracing self-compassion fosters emotional well-being, making it easier to navigate personal growth and create lasting, meaningful change.

By exploring the deeper intentions behind our resolutions, we can shift the focus from external pressures to more authentic, sustainable growth. The following reflection questions are meant to help you examine how you relate to your goals and consider ways to approach them with greater kindness, patience, and acceptance—both for yourself and your journey.

Reflection Questions:

Take a moment to write down one or two goals that you’ve set for yourself recently (whether for the new year or for any period in your life). What are/were you hoping to achieve, why does it feel important to you?

What feelings or thoughts arise when you think about it? Do any emotions stand out to you? What do these emotions reveal about your relationship to this goal?

Do you notice any judgements or critical thoughts tied to this goal or to your desire to achieve it? How might external expectations influence your perception of this goal?

If you were to let go of self-judgment, how might you approach your goals or resolutions differently? What actions could you take to be kinder and more patient with yourself during this process?

Consider how you might reframe this goal in a way that is rooted in self-compassion and acceptance. What would that look like? How would that feel?

When you reflect on the past year, what are some of the smaller wins or moments of growth that you may have overlooked? What do you feel leads us to overlook or dismiss our victories? What would it look like to honor them now?

References:

Breines, J. G., & Chen, S. (2012). Self-compassion increases self-improvement motivation. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 38(9), 1133-1143. https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167212445599

Brown, B. (2015). Daring greatly: How the courage to be vulnerable transforms the way we live, love, parent, and lead. New York, New York: Avery, an imprint of Penguin Random House.

Brown, B. (2010). Gifts of imperfection, the: Hazelden Information & Educational Services.

Neff, K. D. (2009). The role of self-compassion in development: A healthier way to relate to oneself. Human Development, 52(4), 211-214. https://doi.org/10.1159/000215071

DISCLAIMER: The content and resources provided on this blog are intended solely for educational and informational purposes. They are not a substitute for professional psychotherapy or mental health treatment. Nothing presented here should be construed as personalized therapeutic advice. The information shared may or may not be applicable to your individual circumstances.